Its amazing sometimes when we struggle with things and God sends the right message through the right people. My husband drives a lot during his work day and is always listening to either UFC, Jiu-jitsu, or sermons. Lots of sermons. He shares little clips and snippets with me at night that he really liked or touched him some way. So its not unusual for me to watch one before bed.
Now for me personally, I have a really bad habit of retreating and withdrawing when I struggle with something. Mostly its overwhelm because I have all these ideas, and I cant execute on my own, or as fast, and I know, I'm a chronic self sabotager. I get mad at myself for not having the progress I think I should. Just being honest. Its one of those things you know you do, but you cant figure out how to not do it. It just sorta happens. Or if something financial comes, or an argument. Whatever it is, I go dark. And not that I'm mad about it, but I know there are better ways. Anyway. So that's where I am.
So I'm listening to this sermon that he shared. His favorite is Vlad from HungryGen, if anyone wants to grow in their faith. Good stuff. He starts telling this story about how he had gotten in trouble when he was younger, and got caught, and didn't want to do Sunday sermon because he was embarrassed and he wasn't ready to face the people, he felt disingenuous because he wasn't essentially perfect. His dad said, nope, your doing it. And he went on to explain, you will NEVER be ready if you are waiting for you to be flawless. You will never be able to preach if you think you need to have it all together in order to be ALLOWED to talk about things that you have yet to get right. Its your IDENTITY that allows you to preach, not your CHARACTER.
God uses us as we are, and many times we can relate to people struggling, say with depression, and can counsel them on God love you, God has big plans for you, even though sometimes we don't feel that ourselves. Why don't we need to have all our ducks in a row, being the perfect Christians, with our storybook lives? Because #1 there is no such thing. But the reality is, and this line hit me that I have been talking about it for days, we are the CHANNEL, not the SOURCE! What we are preaching and teaching and praying for for others, doesn't come from US. That strength comes from God. God, even though I am struggling with my faith, even though I am struggling with, and fill in the blank here, give me the wisdom and the knowledge and let me help this person. I know how it hurts because I am living it and I want THEM to be healed.
God has a way of helping us when we help others. When we retreat and go quiet, and that's not always a bad thing, Jesus himself went off to pray to His father. And often. But when you retreat, don't be sad for yourself, or stressed, which is what often happens. Talk directly to God and pray that he can help you help others, and in that quiet time, God will point you in the direction you need to be going. But if you aren't asking, or aren't seeking His help, He cant help you.
I know it has been engrained in some of our heads, who are you to tell me, or who are you to say that, YOU do this, or YOU don't do that, and that causes us to come into agreement with that negative which is often thoughts planted from the enemy trying to stop you from doing the good you are called to do. If you are coming at it from a place of love, you don't need any approval except Gods. Ask God to point you to the people who need to hear the message and go out and share it, because remember you are just the channel, GOD IS THE SOURCE. God knew I needed to hear that, and out of all the sermons my husband hears in the week, he chose that story, that clip, that message God wanted me to hear. He delivered. And God was the source. And now, I share it with you so hopefully it will help someone else. We don't need to be perfect, just be present and let God do the rest!